i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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