Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
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