I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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