none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
