She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
