New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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