Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i came on her dog
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
