The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
