He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
