You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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