I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
