Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
