i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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