mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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