Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
