I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
