i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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