Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
