There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
