She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
