i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
