I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
