Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
