So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This is my gift to your gina
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
