so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
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