But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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