so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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