My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
