I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I can text with my tongue
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
