I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
