girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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