im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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