I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you told grandpa to call you daddy
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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