I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
