____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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