We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
