People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize