He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Found the puke drawer
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
