I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
