break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
