just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
