is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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