No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
