why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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