she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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