I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
