His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
