1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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