I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
