What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
