My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
as a side note pls kill me
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
