Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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