I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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