So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
